Word on the street that Jennifer Love Hewitt saw me walking around the streets of Hollywood with mythical powers in my man guns (she ran up to me) to show her that Jamie Kennedy has been cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend, Shannon Funk.

According to my left nut and to Wikipedia shes the same chick that (I bang last night by accident, she was coked out, so anal was the easier route) was Britney Spear’s assistant when she was batshit crazy and shaving her head while eating her tampon.

So its safe to say cellulite ass (Love as she likes to be called) is with me tonight for extreme ass pounding from behind by me to get her back into shape. I am taking her calls for her and cashing her dividend checks from Ghost Whisperer, and I changed my name to Chad for security purposes. We are getting married tomorrow to fuck over Shrek Kardashian’s wedding. Life is good.